Maladaptive

So I have been feeling increasingly irritable lately. It seems my wave of mania is over and I'm thinking I'm at risk of diving into another depression.. which I really don't need at the moment, considering that my boyfriend is still away for another month and I have 4 more assignments to complete in 4 more weeks. The assignments seemed to kick it off. Stress, and perceived lack of freedom.

Each day I am fighting off negativity and anger which is overwhelming. I keep trying to open my heart and send out love, but it's emptier than usual. I can feel my heart breaking sometimes. It's breaking for the earth and for all living beings who are suffering at the hands of other horrible, selfish human beings. Humans who are so very alike, but emphasize their differences. Humans who want to push others down to get to the top. Humans who kill because they don't agree with one another. Humans who don't care about anyone else but themselves. Humans who just want money, looks, fame, power... and possession.

Sometimes, I am so ashamed to be human.

How is it that money is our greatest aim? How is it that we encourage rabid consumerism all in the name of economy and at the expense of the environment? How is it that we cannot give to others who are less fortunate than us? How is it that we are more concerned with a fake-reality TV show than the bombing of fellow humans? How is it that opinion is widely accepted as fact in newspapers? How is it that we criticize others based on their looks? How is it that some of us think we own land which never had a price in the first place? How is it that we value looks over spirit? How is it that war takes preference over peace?

We are a twisted and utterly disgusting species. And I want out of this planet. There must be some place across the universe with a more harmonious species.

These are my usual thoughts during a down period. I know when I get back into a positive frame of mind, I will be back to focusing on how I can spread love to everyone and BE the change. After writing this, I am more determined to try again and again. I don't want to become part of the source of hate.

I must breathe, relax, let go... and remember that this too shall pass.