Open your mind

I am 3 weeks away from the end of uni and I am keen as hell for a trip! I'm sick of this mundane  routine based, 3 dimensional reality. I want to learn something new, explore the nature of my existence, explore the nature of the universe. That is my deepest desire and has been for some while.
In this blog post I want to take you on my journey with psychedelic 'drugs'. So far, I have only really tried LSD and psilocybin (magic mushrooms). They have distinct differences that I have tried to observe and figure out how each one is useful in different ways. I am keen to get onto DMT, as that's when the real shit happens. But anyway, here's what I have gathered from my trips.

LSD. Acid. Tabs. Cid. Lucy. Alice. Such beautiful names for something that can make you so fucked up. All psychedelics give you clarity, in the sense that you KNOW when things are happening that you didn't while you were sober. For instance, once I took it at my ex-housemates house, where I lived at the time. I was looking at the seating arrangements; it was a square loungeroom, but the way the couches and seats were positioned was kind of in a triangle hierarchy shape. The ones sitting at the top of the triangle were in computer chairs so they were higher up than everyone else. I saw this, and I knew that they were the ringleaders, that some kind of sick game was going on and we were all under their control. I hadn't sensed it before this trip, but a couple months down the track, and their game became clear. I don't talk to these people anymore. This is why you can't trip with people who you are uncomfortable with; you can't run from those feelings or push them down like you do when you want to be civilized. The feeling, their vibes, overcame me and I was scared. I wanted out of the trip. The thing is, once you get into a state of mind on acid you can't get rid of it. At least that's the way it is for me, I know everyone finds it different. But for me, the beginning of a bad trip means the rest of the trip is doomed.

In saying that, I have had some interesting experiences that weren't exactly bad but were frightening in some way, or just peculiar I guess. In my first big acid trip, it started off with throwing a large beach ball around. The colours trailed behind it, and it was as if it flew in slow motion. I could feel my eyes shining as I smiled. Everything was sparkly. It was like I was a kid again, finding the largest joy, laughing and feeling elated, at the sight of a ball in the air. Then things started turning weird.. I noticed that I would go off in a cycle that repeated itself. Like reality spun out of control, weirder and weirder, and then I would find myself feeling 'normal', almost sober, again. Then reality would spin out again. The same things would happen. It was freaky. I carried around a lollypop to bring myself back everytime I lost control. Soon I started to run around the room, and everytime I would get to the same point, it would be the same point in time but in another 'level' of reality, getting closer to 'normal' with each circle. It was like I was running up a staircase of time and space.

The last one I had was with my boyfriend. This was the biggest one I have ever had... we didn't expect our tabs to be that strong. We listened to music, and I could hear every tiny particle of each note of the song. Everything went so SLOW. I thoroughly enjoyed every second, although I had no concept of what a second was. Then, with each song, we began to slip out of reality into what I termed 'trips'. The same spirals I mentioned before, things would repeat and spin out, and then we would snap right back, and try to explain to each other what we had just experienced (we really should have recorded our voices, but the trips pulled us in so strong that we couldn't stay in reality for all that long). Soon, reality disappeared before my eyes, slowly fading out pixel by pixel, until I was standing in a black void. No kidding. I remember thinking that I didn't know what happened to my body, and hoped that I wouldn't wake up to find myself in an asylum. I also remember thinking I shouldn't walk anywhere because I might walk through a wall in 'normal' reality and wake up to find myself in a different room of the house... how would I explain that to his parents? I would have been way more scared, but I had my boyfriend with me in the void, so it was okay. The trip intensified to the point where we were standing atop our own 'trip slides'. Basically like a strong vortex pulling our minds in. The trouble was, we had separate ones. Eventually, we decided to jump. All I remember of this, is a lot of yellow, and colours, and that I knew that I was seeing the past and the future, and that time collapsed into one point. Time was an illusion, it's all happening at the same time. Unfortunately I don't remember much of this either! But I do remember what I thought as I observed all this. Fascinating. It was like I was still able to think to myself, normally, but I couldn't control what happened to reality.

Another interesting phenomenon I have discovered is what I call 'the grid'. It is like a lattice grid made of blue and pink/red laser light that cuts through the air in 3 dimensions (Up/down, Forward/back, side to side). The thing is, there is so many of these lines that it appears to be a fabric. Even the squares of it appear to have some sort of laser webbing, like liquid, swirling about. Others have also seen this grid. I am fascinated by it. I believe it has great potential to reveal the nature of space. Almost all the time on acid, the air feels thicker. I feel like I am viewing the world at a different angle. Somehow, it's like another dimension has unfolded before me. I called it 'High definition reality'. Like HD TV,  it is so much more detailed and rich than 'normal reality'. I feel this has something to do with the grid. So yeah, this will be what I explore in my next acid trips.

Mushrooms are so much more smoother, for me at least. Acid makes me feel like I'm exploring a digital world, but mushrooms make me feel like I am some absurd kind of theme park. Everything seems rounder, and funnier. Much funnier! But also, like acid, you get that instant knowledge and clarity. I haven't had many mushroom trips at all, but I found them easier to control, so I prefer them over LSD. In my last magic mushroom adventure, my friends and I watched a video montage called Planet Earth . If you watch a tiny bit of it, it speaks for itself. The orchestra music was the clincher - watching this, I was SO amazed, that we lived on such a beautiful, alive place like this, and that stuff like this was happening that we would never see! It was so beautiful and so amazing that it was almost ridiculous that we had the privilege to live on this thing, and we never appreciate it. I just, laughed, a lot, to the point where tears rolled down my face. So many thoughts melded into one realization, and it seemed impossible that I had never come to this conclusion before. I don't remember the essence of it now because I'm not on mushrooms, and can't possibly think that many thoughts in that space of time. I think alot, but not that much! It was like doing a 26 page math problem in 2 seconds... quite overwhelming, and a beautiful experience. At one point, I decided to look at myself in the mirror. How often do you stare into your own eyes and appreciate the unique soul that you are? I know I don't, but this experience makes me want to do it more. I never felt more connected to myself, never felt more love and care, because I saw who I really was when I looked into my eyes. There is nothing like a good trip to throw everything about, and leave you with nothing but yourself, and nowhere to hide.

I really wish I could draw my trips. I've tried, but there's no way. It's just not of this world. And I don't have enough skill. Sigh. I would love to be able to express these experiences in a better way than with words. These experiences have changed how I see the world. It's like an awakening -  my mind has been stretched so far that it can never go back to what it was. And I am thirsty for more.

Hmm, well I hope at least some of you have enjoyed reading this drug riddled post. I am aware that a lot of you will be shaking your heads in disapproval, and I was reluctant to post this at first. But then I thought of my favourite quote at the moment...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" (Dr Seuss).

Thanks Dr. Seuss, and thanks to those that appreciate the real me, drugs and all.