Hurt

It takes a hell of a lot to push my buttons so hard that I turn my back on you.

With my friends, I give and give and give. If i care about you, I will dedicate all my spare energy into helping you with whatever problem you have. What I am sick of, is dedicating way more energy than I should, to people who just throw it back in my face. Then I am left with emptiness where I could have been filled with vitality. I am sick of energy vampires. I am sick of trying to help people who won't help themselves. I am sick of trying to see the good in people who can't see the good in others. I am sick of being hurt by people who I thought genuinely cared about me, but just wanted to suck me dry.

I am DONE. I am done trying with you selfish fuckers. You would think I had learnt the first time, and the second time. But I just had to keep on giving. Coz you know, I have faith in people. I have faith that people will give back, and I have faith they are grateful. I believe that through love, you can help people become the best person they can be. But no. And this makes me terribly sad.

I imagine you have felt this before, even on a smaller scale. Take, for example, a lady in the shops today. My friend held the door open for her until she got her trolley out of the bathroom. Not a glance, not a thank you. The kindness and energy my friend gave to that woman was wasted.

This is how I feel, but on a scale 100x larger. I have put up with so much negativity, and spent so much of my time giving to this person, trying to help them through difficult times in their life. But I have learnt, yet again, that there is only so much you can do for someone. So from now on, my energy is MINE. No, I am not being selfish. You don't sit there, and drain me of my energy for months, and then chuck me out of your life because I decided to do something for myself for once. For ONCE.

As I said, it takes a lot to get me to this stage. So well done. If you're able to make me withdraw my love for you, you're doing a great job at being an asshole.

Would greatly appreciate some healing energy from anyone reading this at the moment, I am drained and exhausted.
I promise the next post will be accompanied with my usual positive air.

Peace.