Isolation

Feeling really down this week. Couldn't figure out why until I realised that I am feeling really isolated. As an extrovert, I gain energy from being with people I love, and people in general. And as someone with anxiety, I hate feeling excluded; I want to be a part of everything that is important to me. This is a tricky situation, as it can make me feel like people don't appreciate me, when really, I am excluding myself, due to exams which are in a week.

I am missing out on Wah Wah's 6th birthday tonight, which wouldn't be a problem except that my boyfriend got me a special invite because he DJs there. And since he is part of the 'Wah family', I really wanted to be there and show my face. But I can't, and it's really upsetting because everyone is going... even people who I don't like. I just feel like they are there to show their support, and I can't be, and it makes them look better than me. And they all get to have fun together while I'm stuck at home. No this is not the most important thing in the world, I know that, but everyone is making it out to be.

I can't get around this either, because I live at home, and my mum is my boss, and she will be livid if I go out partying all night when I'm taking work off to study for exams.

On top of that, my friends seem to be going out and doing stuff on the weekends together and I can't be a part of that either. Irrationally, I feel excluded from my own friendship group, like I'm not important. Even though it's my own doing.

My mind is going crazy.

Nothing gets me down like isolation does.