Another blog about Drugs

Here I am again, coming down off another drug. It's called Dexamphetamine, and it was prescribed to me for ADHD.

Wow, it's so weird to be back here again on this blog. I honestly thought I'd left it in the dust. But I should've known I'd always have more to say. More to disobey about. My passion hasn't waned - I've just been... busy. Figuring myself out. 

But I'm so glad to be back.

The old me had such an obsession with being drug-free, and it turns out I haven't changed. My initial resistance to being on medication is back with a vengeance, enough to urge me to put up with awful withdrawal symptoms on my only uni holiday break this term.

I've spent my time resting, and nourishing my body. I made a little cave - a coping mechanism that I HIGHLY recommend - to retreat to (and my psychologist is also a keen supporter of the cave, just so you know).

How did I get here? Its a long story, and I'm not sure my mind is coherent enough to express it. I sure do love an adventure, but I'm afraid I'm getting weary of the more difficult ones in my older age (I'm 31 lol). My mind isn't working well and I've been fatigued to the point of disability, and I believe it is a result of these prescribed Amphetamines.

It's silly to think I could've lasted on them. When reading through this blog by chance today - I have ALWAYS had a thing about being in my natural state, medication free.

Although I am back on my antidepressants, which may be a story for another day. But I will say that I realised by depression was indeed circumstantial - a response to a deeply flawed environment. However that environment is capitalist society, and it won't be changing anytime soon. So the meds help take the edge off, and help me to keep surviving. I don't think there's any shame in that. 

And I don't think there's any shame in being on amphetamines either, for the record.  They're just not for me. They never have been - I've always preferred the more euphoric kind ;). Though I do think it's sad that it's come to the point that our population's most creative thinkers are so disabled by this boring, paperwork and productivity driven work environment that continues to infect and invade our psyches, that they need to take amphetamines to cope with it.

Trying to do routine tasks without amphetamines is like banging my head against a brick wall. I have chronic headaches because of it, chonic frustration from bending backwards into boredom. But there's no chance in hell will I ever force myself to put up with it again, not to earn a paycheck, not for nothing. I rest when I need to, and the world can wait for me.

That's how I feel right now anyway, in the euphoria of discovering myself again post-dexies. I've always loved the new and novel.

It'll likely wear off again, just as the rose coloured glasses of my little dopamine deliverers did, and I'll take them again to help ease that pain. The boredom, the frustration, of squeezing myself into a box that I was never made to fit in.

I think it's only natural to want to ease the pain. That is why I don't judge anyone that takes any kind of med. We do what we need to survive in this world. 

But for me, it's only natural to question why, why am I forcing myself to comply with it all in the first place, when I can simply just... disobey.