Progress

Before I start my next blog post, I feel that I should address the fact that my two last blog posts severely contradicted each other. All I can say about this is that it shows that even though I think I am fairly insightful, I still find it hard to distinguish between head and heart, and hard to recognise what I really need for myself. It also shows how you can find reasons for any point of view if you try hard enough!! Holding two opposing points of view is really tough and that's something I'm struggling with in my journey, as I am both spiritual and learning psychology. There are a lot of contradictions between my beliefs as a result of the influence of these domains in my life, but when I follow my heart and gut instinct rather than strictly follow the books, that's where the magic happens, and that's where I can learn new things and make an influence on the psychology field in my own way.

Anyway, so onward and forward. I am going really well off my anti-depressants. I have had two incidents in the past two weeks where my thoughts have overwhelmed me. One was at work, I was still training and someone called in sick so I had to man reception by myself. I tried to juggle many customers and phone calls at once while trying to find answers to questions I didn't know. I gave a old disabled man the wrong directions and he was very grumpy. Then my coworker got annoyed at me for doing something wrong and I just went in the back and cried. After that my coworker gave me a big talk on how I should say 'no' to people and do what feels right for me, so that was nice... so I learnt a lot that day, I learnt how to recognise when I'm getting stressed, to take time out to have a breathe even if it's really busy, and that I don't need to answer everything, it's fine to say 'I don't know!'

After this, nothing negative came up for a while, but I prepared myself because I knew that life was always going to bring a challenge. Then the other incident was just this week; I was tired after a couple of days of demanding work and my thoughts started to overwhelm me a bit. I got caught up in the storm of worry and started feeling depressed and frustrated at my closest friends. I knew it was irrational at the time but I'm sure most of you would know how hard it is to get yourself on the outside of a thought storm once you're stuck right in the middle! Anyway, I texted my friends and promptly dropped my phone in the toilet, so I never got my answer. This issue came up again the next morning while I was working for my mum, and I was on the verge of tears for a good hour and a half worrying about what I had imagined in my head about my friends. I got to the point where I was like - okay, what can I do about this. Then my brain started telling me that I was too upset, I should tell my mum and go home. I noticed that thinking this repeatedly was making me even more upset!! So I struggled for a bit until I found my way out - I told myself that my mind was telling me the 'I can't do it story' and that they were just words - words can't hurt me, and they certainly aren't always true. Once I got my head around that, I focused on why I was there that day, I was there to help my mum and my other coworkers out because they were short of staff. By changing my view of my thoughts and also feeling that this wasn't about me, it was about my care for my mum, the storm in my head quickly quietened. I had no thoughts on this for the rest of the day, and got on with my work as I usually would.

The thing that helped me the most with this situation was a book called "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris. It's based on a psychological therapy called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and it was worked for me soooo much better than CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I got given this book back in highschool as a reward for good marks. And this week it has saved my ass! I highly recommend this book. It's easy to understand and makes sense for everyday life. It make take a tad longer to be able to implement the skills if you haven't been learning mindfulness like I have for a while, but it is well worth the read. On that note, studying buddhist teachings is also an amazing resource. An app called "Radio Dharma" is a great resource if you can sit still and listen for an hour. I usually listen to it in the car!

So other than that everything has been quite smooth. I have continued with all my activities including yoga, kung fu and new meditation classes, have not missed a day of work and still haven't had a coffee in a month, and not even a puff of a cigarette for even longer. (As these substances raise the heart rate and in turn, increase anxiety). This is such a difference from how I handled my depression and anxiety years ago when I would have just stayed in bed and quit things at the first negative thought. Even though I let it overwhelm me a bit I have managed to maintain my base positive attitude and enjoy most of the day, every day! Boo-yah!!

I haven't yet met up with my psychologist, but I'm so excited to tell her how I'm going and what skills have been helping :)

Thanks for reading, if you have any questions please shoot me a comment or a facebook message (if you know who I am!)


Peace